Monologue with self.

dear bloggie,

have I make the right choice?

o.O

aikss.

such an old woman already and yet not sure yet.

goodness.

most people probably knew it by the age of 10 or something.

and yet, ME old woman 19 years old liao

and still DON'T KNOW!!!!

sometimes I secretly wished I just ask some random old fengshui guy.

He say what then I just do what laa.

sheesh.

or maybe I knew the answer inside myself.

but maybe too afraid. Self doubt and fear.

why am I so afraid? why can't I have a tad bit confidence?

I hate myself.

I hate that I m so weak.

I hate that I m so easily swayed so easily influenced.Like a paddy plant blown by the wind.

I hate that I m such a hypocrite. Acting my way all the time.Pretending everything is okay.

I need to stop this.

I WANT to do things I like for once. And not because someone ask me.

I WANT to be stronger and have more opinions.

I WANT to stop pretending. I m so exhausted from acting laa. Goodness. so exhausting trying to be normal when inside I m like screaming like some f*cking lunatic.

I WANT to be more of myself and less of what people expect of me.